Ten Days of Henners

Same theme as the last title, I know. Lazy writing, I know. Sod it. I’m sitting here listening to Billy Joel, and I’ve had a hard day of work, and I’m gearing up to go and smash the trivia night up at my new favourite bar in LA. If only it was a true local and, well, local. But I’ll venture to most places for a good trivia night (or a trivia night I can win - sometime the two intersect). I have had a really wonderful break in proceedings by visiting Wisconsin for Thanksgiving, which was truly an amazing experience - I felt so happy to be surrounded by such a welcoming and warm family. I also discovered that I am still a pretty mean shot with a shotgun - we dine heartily on clay pigeons that night. I also entered into a bet that is simultaneously fantastic and stupid at the same, and I discovered cheese curds. Due to over-consumption of cheese curds, I am now a cheese curds. I went to a Cheese Castle that wasn’t made of cheese, and had a bloody mary that had salmon jerky and prawns in. I met someone famous who I didn’t realise was famous and he was great and asked for my card at the end of the conversation so he could keep updated on my film release etc… All this in 2.5 days!

Before I continue, I’d just like a small aside about the aforementioned bloody mary. My computer has me down for a SPAG error on the ‘mary’ section - because, of course, Mary is a proper noun. My question is thusly: does Mary lose her status as a proper noun when described in drink form, or does the cocktail have its status elevated owing to the fact that it includes Mary. I don’t think bloody Mary is how one should write it, but I accept that Mary needs a capital letter, and lopsided lettering is displeasing on the eye. Do we capitalise a white Russian? Ah! Without thinking, I capitalised mother Russia, and so maybe I have my answer! Lopsided it is! I still think that drinks shouldn’t inherently be proper nouns; Apple Juice feels rather grandiose for something non-alcoholic. So is it the addition of spirits that elevates the letters to capitals? My word, this corner of the internet certainly has its finger on the pulse of the issues of the moment.

Anyway, back to the original storyline. This was meant to be a quick missive and off to the pub for some sweet sweet trivia. The point is, I was feeling pretty burned out last week before I went away, and I went away with intentions to work while I was there etc… I’ll be honest, I did absolutely sod all for two-and-a-bit days, other than have fun with my awesome friends, and it was exactly what I needed. And I actually got some good work done in the airport and the plane home. I landed ready to smash the upcoming final 3 weeks of semester. How time has flown. But when I landed, I saw all the work in front of me, and I felt a bit daunted with the workload I now have and was just standing in silence and staring at the mountain of scripts to learn and work on without actually doing it. Frozen to the spot by stress. But I started eating away at the apple, one task at a time, and I have had a largely productive day. And I will share with you the thoughts and things that have gone on in my head for the last few days (which is as a result of having such a head-clearing time away - I don’t know if that’s clear what I was getting at). Trying to thread a consistent narrative through these posts is difficult because my brain honestly has no interest in focusing on one thing at once. This is as close as you can get to being inside my head, and I think you’ll agree that it’s pretty chaotic. Pleasant, harmless, but anarchy.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sXE8LdXzeHM&ab_channel=lonjil

ANYWAY. I was thinking about how when I was younger, I would look up at people doing cool stuff and think "how “I can’t wait until I can do that”, or something similar. You know - you watch Jonny Wilkinson drop-kick England to World Cup glory and think “I can’t wait until I have the ability to do that”, or things to that effect. But I’ve realised that the reality is, these great things have time limits. If I were a sportsman, my career would be in the late halcyon days of the summer, coming up to thirty, where I would either start playing the best football of my career, or I’d drop off and start playing for Crystal Palace, or Stoke. Messi was 22 when he won his first Ballon d’Or. Lebron was 27 when he won his first Championship ring. James Dean was 25 and 26 for his Oscar nominations, and Adrien Brody was 29 when he won an Oscar for The Pianist. I in no way think that I’m somehow running out of time, or should have made it by now - that’s such an unhealthy way to think, and there are just as many people who did amazing things as they got older - Alan Rickman, Morgan Freeman to name a couple. But what I am saying is that there are literally no barriers! I was sitting and thinking about these things - also brought on by the fact that I’ve been watching performances by Marilyn Monroe, Marlon Brando, Henry Fonda etc… and I’ve been watching some of their performances with my jaw on the floor, and I found myself back in the shoes of the young boy watching Johnny Wilkinson and wanting to do what he was doing, and thinking that the only obstacle is “when I grow up I want to…”. But guess what? I did that bit! Like, literally, the people that make great art are my peers, and always have been. And when I think of people like Wes Anderson or Spielberg or (insert famous artist here), the only thing that differentiates their art from mine is that they effing did it! The thought that I so often have of “well my vision/art/ideas/whatever” isn’t as good as Citizen Kane simply isn’t valid. I’m to saying that anything I’ve done or will do will compare with Citizen Kane - I’m merely saying that it bloody might do! And another thing - status like that is only generated after the fact. Orson Welles didn’t know he was making Citizen Kane, the greatest movie ever made. He was just making his art, as honestly as he knew how. He was learning how to make a film while he shot it. Francis Ford Coppola was re-drafting Apocalypse Now whilst filming! And then it took two years to edit! It only becomes awe inspiring afterwards. And if some other bloke in his twenties somewhere in the past can make Citizen Kane, then I can bloody make Citizen Henners. It’s time to stop thinking of myself as working towards the same goal I was working towards when I was a child - I’m different now, and I have a voice, I have shit to say about the world around me, and my training has put me in the right position I need to be. And so the goal posts must move. Obviously there is a long road of work ahead but fuck it, if it was easy, everyone would do it. But it’s nice to know that the only thing stopping me making something that gets noticed.

Or something like that, I don’t know. I’m tempted to go back and edit everything but I’m scared that if I read it again I’ll want to change it. That felt like an honest and genuine moment and I think it should be left as such. Sorry for any SPAG mistakes. That means SPelling And Grammar to those of you not schooled by Mrs. Lees.

See you on the big stage ✌🏼