Blog Five, Week Six
As I start writing this, it has become apparent that there is some sort of glitch in this webpage that keeps unselecting my text box area while I’m writing, meaning that I have to keep reselecting the text box every 5th letter. It’s tedious, but I recently learned that at least 5 people are reading this, so I feel compelled to soldier through the tedium and to write down some stuff that has happened to me in the last week. Last week was simultaneously a very slow week, and one that went by in a blink of an eye. I’d say it’s got a bit tougher. If I were to liken it to a race, I might say that I was reaching the point where I had spent all my fast-twitch available energy, and I was now starting to have to rely on the innate muscle memory of my legs to keep it going. I feel like that metaphor got quite wayward towards the end. But the point is, it’s got harder, and I’m having to dig a little deeper to stay atop of things. It’s all okay, and as long as this week gets smashed, then I’ll be staying firmly in the game.
I feel like that whole passage just got way too bloated because: of course it’s got harder, and of course I’ll smash it, it’s just good to refocus and take stock. In all honesty, I’m just beating myself up for a slightly less productive weekend than I would have wanted. But it’s okay, these things happen - notice it and adjust. This is now just a stream of consciousness and I feel like I’ve just treated this a bit like a personal diary rather than a fun look at what I’m doing: you’re welcome - I’ll resort to my usual nonsense below. Sometimes, just writing things down helps to refocus me, because the worries have become more than just thoughts, and so in that spirit; I won’t edit that and you can get how it came straight from my brain. This is my corner of the internet and I get to put whatever I want on it.
Boobs and stuff.
Nice.
I have exciting news; I got a self-tape! Yes, sure, it was sent to everyone at school and all I had to do was respond, but I bloody responded (and you don’t really need to know the first bit) so I got my first self-tape in the US! It’s a very very small part in a non-union short film to play a 20 year-old who calls someone a whore. I thought I’d better start sinking my teeth into the grittier roles. AND; in other Henry movie news, the trailer for The Anarchist’s Dream is finished, and ready to be shown - so I will be posting it on Instagram very soon, and will probably get it’s own page on here. I’m thinking of adding an “In-Production” or “Upcoming” section on here so people can, um, see what’s upcoming or in-production. I am so excited for everyone to see the trailer, I’m really really proud of what we made, and I think the film is going to look epic - I honestly am still finding it super weird watching myself in it, I often don’t really recognise myself, but I’m hoping that’s a good thing. I found wine today in Trader Joe’s that is made by Snoop Dogg, or at least Snoop Dogg Inc. and it’s surprisingly pleasant. It’s very rich, and tastes on it’s way to port, and is not my thing at all, but I was expecting something really unpleasant. I was only cooking with it, so I made the right call anyhow.
I won’t lie, I’ve been meaning to write this for the last day or so, and have seen some happy things that have made me think to myself “oh that’ll be fun to write about”, and then I finally had a spot of spare time tonight before I watch Some Like it Hot and I thought I’d write some stuff. But, now that I’m here, and I’ve told you the amusing Snoop Dogg wine experience, I realise that I’m feeling quite stressed and I can’t think of anything to write. I had an interesting but not entirely satisfactory sensory practice earlier today which has made me feel like I’m slightly out-of-touch with old Jerome and falling behind in the training, and I feel like I should go and watch this film and run a load of lines before bed so I’m going to go and do that - but I will sign off with some introspective closing thoughts, in keeping with the more melancholic style I seem to have adopted today.
Things get hard and that’s okay. I feel like the Henry of years past would not have realised he was falling behind until he was told or pushed, and I’m happy to notice that growth in me. I’m also feeling closer and closer to something really mind-opening happening, but I just need to stop looking for it and I know something will come - this journey is an exploration, not hide-and-seek. I’m stressed because things that I thought would be happening by now aren’t happening, and because I’ve seen some noticeable changes, I want to see the whole thing now happen at once, but I guess that’s not how things work. I feel very torn between the brain that knows to chill out and the brain that is desperate for it now - trust the process innit.
Thank you for reading me have 25% of a breakdown. I’m fine. I did a mood board for Jerome earlier and I got to use scissors and glue and it honestly made me really happy. I was whistling along to Bolero whilst I was doing it. And whistling along to Bolero is something only people who are happy do.